Januari 09, 2017
item #: scp-261 object class: safe special containment procedures: any accessto scp-261 must be approved by staff with level 2 security clearance or higher. anyand all items dispensed by scp-261 must be recorded, along with the amount of money enteredand the amount of time elapsed between uses. currently, scp-261 may be used only ten timesin a twenty-four hour period, with no transaction exceeding the equivalent of 500 japanese yen.testing approved by site command is not under these restrictions. items dispensed by scp-261 should be reviewedby site health and safety officials before
consumption. failure to do so releases thefoundation from any obligation regarding negative effects. items deemed dangerous or usefulto research will be confiscated by site security, with financial compensation provided in proportionto money spent. description: scp-261 appears to be a largeblack vending machine with no front glass panel, and a small keypad on the right side.scp-261 was recovered in yokohama, japan. scp-261 was brought to the foundation’sattention after investigation of an “urban legend†about a “magic vending machineâ€that was circulating on the internet. scp-261 was found in a back alley behind a large shoppingcenter, with a hand-written sign saying “out
of order†in japanese taped to it. scp-261has no marks or identification of any kind, and no locals remember when or how it cameto be in its current location. internally, scp-261 appears to be a basicvending machine equipped to vend food and beverage items. after a key was made and thefront door opened, no abnormal materials were found, and it was determined that scp-261has never actually contained any food or beverage items. the keypad, while connected and operatingcorrectly, does not activate any of the dispensing mechanisms. when money is placed into scp-261 and a three-digitnumber is entered on the keypad, scp-261 will vend a random item. scp-261 has not acceptedany currency other than yen, with rejected
currency being deposited in the coin returnslot. it is unknown how these items appear; however, scp-261 will not operate when thedoor is open, or when recording devices are placed inside. the number entered on the keypadhas no effect on the item vended, nor has any pattern been detected. items are alwayssome form of “snack foodâ€, and typically have bright, attention-grabbing packaging. scp-261 is capable of operating with no externalpower supply, but operation in this state will cause “unstable†vending to occurmuch more quickly than normal. if scp-261 is used several times in a short period oftime and/or large amounts of money are entered before an item is vended, scp-261 will startto dispense bizarre items. while still “foodâ€,
their suitability for human consumption isoften non-existent. log of items vended during testing phase 8:800 yen entered for each item, items being dispensed every 2 minutes. scp-261 is attachedto power. “coke zero†– a can of diet coke, packagingin english. “cheetos†– a small bag of cheetos snackfood, packaging in english. “black black†– a single pack of caffeinatedchewing gum, packaging in japanese. “yan yan†– a single yan yan cone, withpeach dipping frosting, packaging in japanese. the meiji seika company does not produce thisflavor. “pepsi: dragon twist†– a can of pepsicola, with a trace of fruit flavor, packaging
in english. flavor identified as dragon fruit.pepsico does not produce this product. “darkside cola†– a “can†with clearplastic sides, packaging in japanese. liquid inside is clear. when opened, liquid appearsto react to the air, and changes to dark black over a period of several seconds. the blackcoloration “looks like billowing smokeâ€, and cannot be reversed. liquid’s taste describedas “cola, with something spicy in it.†“the little bakery: 7 grain†– a smalltube the size of a candy bar with a green button, made of aluminum, packaging in english.when the top is twisted off, a mass of “dough†is extruded. “dough†contains severalenzymes and bacteria that have not yet been identified. on contact with air, these causethe dough to rise and “bakeâ€, killing
the microbes in the process. produces a small,round loaf of bread weighing 250 grams. taste described as good, but chewy. “lemon clams†– thick plastic baggiewith a plastic tube on the side, containing water and twelve clams, packaging in dutch.following on-package instructions, the plastic tube was cracked like a “glow stickâ€.liquid in the bag flashed to steam, venting from a hole that popped open in the top ofthe bag, slightly burning one researcher. steaming finished after thirty-eight seconds,after which clams were found to be fully cooked and infused with a mild lemon flavor. on investigation,clams match no recorded species. “
in an unknown language. pyramids found tobe very hard and unpleasant tasting, compared to chalk in taste and consistency. when placedin hot water, pyramids open and produce “strings†that quickly dissolve, coloring the waterthe same shade as the pyramid. water had no additional taste, but testing revealed a sharpincrease in mineral, carbohydrate, and protein content, with several minerals unidentifiedat the present time. this content was found to be consistent with the recommended dailyintake of nutrients for adult humans. researcher ingesting the water reported stomach crampstwo hours later, but no other effects. “
be filled with small, round animals coveredin fur, each with three small paws and a single large eye. pressing the button causes theinside of the box to rapidly become super-heated, cooking the small animals alive. muffled noisesand scratching were heard for several seconds during the cooking process. after one minute,thirty seconds, the front panel opens and gives access to the now-cooked animals. professorkain volunteered to eat the animals, with no other researchers willing to do so. tastedescribed as crunchy and very spicy, with a small hint of beef. “
not intended for an oxygenated atmosphere,and detonated violently, causing several injuries and killing two researchers. testing discontinued,and area cleared. testing area observed to smell like citrus for several days. note: subsequent testing recorded in experimentlog 261 ad de item record for scp-261please record any and all anomalous items received from scp-261, along with amount ofmoney entered and item description, using the format below. mundane items will be madeavailable for personal consumption after scanning and clearance by site security. money entered:scp-261 powered or unpowered:
item description: money entered: 500 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: oreos - a package of sixstandard oreos, in bright blue wrapping, label in spanish. no unusual taste. item description: bag of jolly ranchers - containedboth standard flavors of green apple and watermelon, with additional flavors pomegranate, loquat,and blackberry. current jolly ranchers are not known to contain these flavors. edible. item description: "spice bomb" - small gumball,red and orange banded in color, with packaging in japanese. tasted like jalapeã±o-flavoredgum. extremely spicy. testing was halted temporarily
in order to allow dr. ██████ tovomit and consume antacids. item description: mountain dew: hot pink - clearplastic bottle, label in english. carbonated liquid within a brilliant pink color, andproved to be edible, tasting very sweet and tart. mild sugar high ensued. flavor identifiedto be a mix of pomegranate and sour apple. item description:
and taste. item description:
money entered: 167 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: doritos- a bag of doritoschips, nacho cheese flavor. money entered: 200 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: hershey's with nuts- a regular-sizedbar of hershey's chocolate with nuts. however, the nuts match with no known species. item description: green apple frosting- acontainer of green frosting, with a green apple flavor. currently not produced by anycompany. item description: lay's blooming onion: all-dressed-an onion of average size and color. cutting into shows that it is made of many layers,each a different color and tasting of a different
flavor of chips, including some flavors nevermade by lay's. money entered: 500 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: unknown- a clear plasticpackage filled with water, with tiny manta ray-like creatures swimming in it. attachedto it was a blue tablet in a plastic wrapper. when the top was opened and the tablet wasadded, the water instantly froze with a loud pop. after the ice block was pulled out ofthe package, the ice turned to vapor and left behind the creatures, frozen solid. each wasdescribed as having a slightly different flavor. money entered: 700 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: naked fruit drink (berryflavored) - no unusual properties detected.
packaging in english. item description: edible chess set - smalledible chess set made from hard candy. candy similar in taste and texture to pez, packagingin french. item description: human breast milk (chocolateflavored) - very sweet. dr. ██████ reported a sensation of nostalgia. nothing unusualabout the quality of the milk beyond its packaging. small label in japanese."i think the boob-shaped container was a nice touch." - dr. ██████ money entered: 1000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: build-your-own candybots- a small bag containing various mixed parts
that could be assembled in different waysto create tiny, candy robots. once completed, candy robots began to move on their own forapproximately two minutes, walking about aimlessly and bumping into things. very sweet. packagingin unknown language. item description: scp-417 fruit - room wasevacuated briefly before the item (in airtight packaging) was sent to be incinerated. packagingin unknown language. money entered: 100 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: suppository - item was notused. tests run later revealed mint flavoring and a high nutritional value. packaging inunknown language resembling greek, complete with diagram of how to use.
item description: bacon shirt - a simple t-shirt,dark red in color, in plastic packaging, unknown language. a test revealed the shirt to beedible, wearable, and with a taste similar to bacon. no side effects from wearing theshirt, beyond a vague smell of bacon. item description: advertising bottle - a tallbottle of an unknown alloy, with a twist-off top, and filled with a liquid resembling pepsiblue. the sides of the bottle lit up and revealed animated advertisements featuring an attractivewoman while being drank. object powered down once liquid was fully drained. advertisementsand packaging in unknown language resembling archaic japanese. item description: reverse-temperature creampuff- a packaged creampuff that grew warmer when
exposed to cold, and cooler when exposed toheat. placing it in the microwave caused frost to form, and putting it in the freezer resultedin it being burning hot. tasted decent, if a touch stale. item description: thiotimoline cookies - threechocolate chip cookies in plastic wrapping. tasting sensations were felt at least threeseconds before the cookies made any contact with the mouth. packaging in what appearsto be an unrecorded dialect of bambara. item description: hardtack — a piece ofhardtack. packaging in what was later determined to be heavily hellenized french written ingreek characters. item was difficult to consume and tasted meaty. translation revealed theflavor to be turtle soup.
item description: energy gas — a soap bubblestabilized inside a transparent plastic can. packaging in english. instruction are to "piercea hole an inhale the contained gas." applying a finger to the bubble will indeed piercea hole. inhaling the (lavender-scented) gas caused the bubble to shrink until it vanishedcompletely and gave an energized and empowered feeling to the subject. subject complainedfor several hours of an irritated and itchy nasal cavity. item description: hazelnut glosette — apackage of approximately 12 small hazelnuts covered in chocolate. packaging in german.dna matched that of iranian corylus avellana strains. the hershey company does not manufacturethis product.
item description: caramelized tarantula spider— a hairy spider 13 inches in legspan covered in hard caramel. item was not consumed. identifiedas an unrecorded phoneutria member. test showed highly toxic venom was still present in theglands. packaging in an unknown language. item description: sculptural candy — a tubecontaining a bright orange playdoh-like paste, strongly smelling of citrus. was malleableand gradually hardened into an exceedingly tough material. hardening caused subject'sfingers to become trapped. packaging in unrecorded language written in cyrillic. item description: dr. pepper's amusing straw!— a straw, which, when looked from on end, contained what appears to be sugar-sweeteneddr. pepper. straw contained much more liquid
than physically possible (approximately thevolume of a normal dr. pepper bottle). packaging in japanese. item description: geology aero — an aerobar twice as thick as the regular, formed of four layers in four different flavors andcolors of chocolate: dark, orange, mint and white. the nestl㩠company does not manufacturethis product. packaging in german. item description: terri's [sic] chocolatepumpkin — a pumpkin-shaped piece of chocolate easily broken into 11 quarter-shaped pieces.tasted vaguely of pumpkin and cough syrup. the kraft food company does not make thisproduct. packaging in american english. money entered: 300 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered
item description: fruits of the loom — apackage of three pieces of edible underwear in bright colors. items confiscated. currentwhereabouts unknown. item description: sound bites — small cookiesshaped like onomatopoeia words. when broken or chewed, the items produced the sound correspondingto their text. money entered: 10,000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: item is a small loaf ofround bread in the shape of a pinwheel with six points. colorful wrapper bears logo for"heaven's shining auspicious bakery," with the tag-line, "made by angles for angles"(sic). upon consuming the item, subject immediately fell into a comatose state, during which heappeared to be in a constant ecstatic state
similar to an orgasm. subject recovered afterfifty minutes, although he remained delirious for over two more hours, babbling about "gatesof pure palladium, polished by the multitudinous hosts of the shattered princess". money entered: 1 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a single kernel of poppedkettle corn. money entered: 10 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: five pieces of a traditionalindonesian snack known as klepon. item was placed on top of a banana leaf holder andwrapped in plastic with no labels or expiration dates.
item description: a can labelled 'ponari sweat'in blue and white. some text in indonesian on the side, claiming that this beverage could'cure any kind of disease', 'made in jombang', 'straight from ponari's magic stone' and othergimmicky-sounding adverts. can given to a d-class with prostate cancer for testing.after emptying the can, the d-class was thoroughly examined. results show that the prostate cancerhad disappeared. item description: a small orange box witha radioactive sign on the side, and a small red button on top. item moved to a heavy-dutyblast chamber and tested extensively. after all. the decision was made to test the object,with all observers other than the subject observing via closed-circuit camera. whensubject pressed the button, a bright flash
was recorded, and then a small orange mushroomcloud. subject was unharmed, and after the experiment anyone entering the blast chamberimmediately sensed a tangy, heavily orange flavor. subject had to wash continuously forfive hours to rid his body of the scent. item description: a styrofoam bowl with apaper lid, labelled "instant morioka-style reimen: just add hot water." instructions,written in japanese, indicate to add hot water and let stand for three minutes, then stirwell. contents of bowl appear to be instant noodles as well as several small capsulesof unknown make and a dusting of white sugar-like crystals. upon adding hot water, item grewwarm for approximately three minutes, then immediately chilled to approximately 5â°c.upon peeling back the cover, noodles were
found to be cooked and floating in a coldbeef broth. capsules were missing, and replaced with a slice of fresh watermelon, six slicesthinly sliced roast beef, six pieces of kkakdugi (ponytail radish kimchi), and half a hardboiled egg. contents were edible. advertisements on packaging encouraged users to "try ourother flavors," including "traditional korean" and "kimchi mixed" money entered: 1500 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: unknown - a sealed papersleeve of indeterminate chemical makeup and unknown language. stylized image of what appearsto be a 6-legged blue tortoise. packaging opened to reveal a single large piece of darkdried meat. taste noted as sweet and spicy,
with an unusual texture. approximately 6 hoursafter consumption, subject reported itching in internal organs and heavy flatulence. isolatedto quarantine where what appeared to be a violent allergic reaction caused the prolapseof two-thirds of his digestive tract from either end of his body. subject died after5 hours. money entered: 750 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: aluminum bottle with screw-top,colorful graphic on the sides indicating flying insects contained within. testing moved toisolation chamber. subject opened bottle and was swarmed by highly aggressive insects coloredin red, blue, green, and purple. subject consumed a number of the insects attempting to stinghim on his arms and torso. flavors primarily
sour and bitter fruits of uncertain identity.described as "similar to pez, but not as sweet." insects died approximately 9 minutes laterand were collected. agreement in flavor noted throughout all test participants willing toconsume insects. initial subject indicates lesions covering exposed skin, oozing brightlycolored fluid with similar flavor. no further side-effects noted. lesions appeared to healnormally. item description: steel canister with pressuregauge on top, release valve. label shows brightly colored trisymmetrical lifeforms inhalingpsychedelic fumes. subject unscrews release valve, noting strong smell of bitter almondsbefore asphyxiating. contents revealed to be pressurized hydrogen cyanide gas. testinghalted.
item description: rat on a stick. — a friedrat skewered on a thin wooden spike. southern fried. money entered: 250 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: applexsplosion. — objectoriginally appeared to be a normal bag of apples, though in various colors not foundin nature, such as purple, orange, and white. however, any physical trauma towards an appleresults in it violently exploding and completely saturating the surrounding area in a thickedible paste. paste differed in taste depending on the color of the apple, though all werestrictly fruit flavors. item description: candy bullets! — a cz-75-b9mm pistol in a partially transparent package.
package was stylised with several graphicsdepicting smiling persons being shot, labelled in english in stereotypical "new yorker" slang.the rounds in the magazine were found to be made of a substance similar to rock candy,though completely functional as normal ammunition. item was fired at the research subject's foot.besides the pain and trauma normally included in bullet wounds, subject also noted a heavytaste and scent of peppermint, which persisted for several hours. the munition dissolvedin the subject's bloodstream, negating the need to remove it surgically. the pistol itselfwas found to also be completely edible, though much too difficult to chew. tasted of tutti-frutti. money entered: 400 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered
item description: dimensional donuts — abrightly colored box of donuts, labeling in spanish. donuts possess a small interdimensionalanomaly, located in the hole of the donut which is destroyed once the ring of the donutis broken. when held sideways, small objects fall out of the hole, the object varying dependingon person, donut, and time of day. items noted include small candies, slices of fruit, jigsawpieces, various forms of ammunition, blood, gasoline, various insects of unknown species,and human fingers. following test logs from march 9, 2009 wereimpromptu testing on an unpowered scp-261 prompted by power loss in the wing that thescp-261 is kept in during lunchtime. results are listed as usual.
item description: blastola cola. blue andorange can, with advertisement on the side for "captain comic xii pre-release giveaway!"no such game exists. soda tasted of cola sweetened with cane sugar. after drinking, subject wasseen to belch a puff of what has been described as "cold fire". subject was uninjured. a workplacesafety poster that was struck with the cloud was briefly covered in a thin layer of frost. item description: pile o' slugs. a producebox, typical of the sort used to pack strawberries, full of live garden slugs. label on the lidwas hand-written in english. while not consumed, later testing revealed that the slugs containedlarge amounts of vitamin c, e, and most of the b complex (sans riboflavin). also containedlarge amounts of arsenic.
item description: unknown name. aluminum boxcontaining brick of gelatinous green material. when opened, material began to scream. itemwas not consumed. when tested later the material had shriveled into a tiny green flake suspendedin water, and was capable of emitting a 2 db whispering noise. all attempts to identifynature of material failed; flake reportedly curled in on itself and dissolved shortlyafter testing began. item description: bright yellow, elongatedpackage made of cellophane, resembling a banana peel. language of label is identified as acombination of welsh and spanish, and when translated reads as, "banana easier to open!making your banana opening easy!" package contained a bright yellow food item resemblingan unpeeled banana except in color. chemical
testing found higher amounts of fructose andother processed sweeteners, along with small amounts of [data expunged]. upon removal of[data expunged] from the object, a class-d personnel sampled the object and noted thatit was very sweet. item description: fried fish patty with mustardfilling, similar to a hot pocket in packaging and preparation. package bore the likenessof muppet character "the swedish chef", and with the exception of the instructions andnutritional information (in english) the remainder of the packaging is in unintelligible faux-swedishwith an abundance of umlauts and accent marks. item was extremely salty. at this point in the experiment, dr. ███████ unpluggedscp-261 and asked for the change to be noted.
item description: "most horrendously painfulhangover ever candy shots". japanese packaging bearing the logo of the band offspring andtiny, super-deformed likenesses of the band smashing a generic salaryman's head with jackhammers.candy appeared to be gummi shot glasses full of various solid color gummi. taste variedfrom candy to candy, but was generally "extremely sweet". candy was examined and shown to haveno alcoholic content, despite slight flavor that insinuated otherwise. ingredient liston back listed only "hatred and vitriol" in english; no other ingredients listed anywhereon package in any language, although note on the underside of the package states thatthe candy may aggravate dairy allergies. money entered: 1000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered
item description: small cylinder covered incrosshatching lines of varying configuration; appears to be a form of writing. bright purpleand green wrapping bears drawing of a vaguely humanoid yellow figure with what appears tobe two mouths. removing cap produced a sudden gush of gray-violet foam; subject droppedthe tube and ran to the chemical wash, stating that it was burning his hands. the foam wasfound to be acidic, and contain significant amounts of capsaicin. the latter was moreresponsible for the burning sensation than the former. when analyzed, the foam was shownto contain massive amounts of riboflavin and b6, but no other b complex vitamins, or othervitamins whatsoever. it did contain trace amounts of arsenic and methane, as well asa few minerals that were currently unknown;
unfortunately, the sample was lost when thefoam dissolved after several hours. item description: small, airtight blue plasticbag, very cold to the touch and labelled in an unknown language. contents appeared tobe several small, shriveled gray spheres half a centimeter in diameter, apparently freeze-dried.when heated in water they expand to two centimeters in diameter. spheres appear to be eyeballsof an unknown animal, deep blue throughout with hourglass-shaped pupils and thick purplevessels. the outside was slick and tasteless, but when bitten a large amount of thick purplejelly tasting of watered-down grape juice bursts out. minutes later, the jelly turnedout to cause extremely vivid hallucinations. money entered: 50 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered
item description: small cardboard can of “eetmeesâ€,with the rest of the packaging labelled in french describing the foodstuff as “irresistiblygood!†and “undeniably tasty!â€. can contained five small, three-legged crab-likecreatures with tiny claws and large, dewy eyes. when released, they leaped up and downecstatically, clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming “eat me!†in shrill, high-pitchedvoices. when subject delayed and then refused to eat them, the “eetmees†attempted toforce their way into the subject’s mouth. when chewed, the creatures made "joyous shrieking"sounds, and made "whee" sounds when swallowed. money entered: 100 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: "food". 18 oz steel canwith a pull-tab. label was all white with
the word "food" written in large, black letters.no other information (nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc.) is listed. when opened, canwas found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. subjects described the paste as "devoidof any taste", and left subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. chemical analysishas found the paste to be low in fat and ldl cholesterol, as well as containing all necessaryvitamins and minerals, including several as-of-yet unidentified chemicals. item description: "drink". 12 oz aluminumdrink can. label is similar to the "food" can: all white with nothing but the word "drink"in black letters. liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and has a viscosity lower than water.when ingested, subjects became more open to
suggestion, becoming more and more subservientthe more of the "drink" was administered almost to the point of having no will of their own.research into the long-term effects of the "drink" is being investigated. item description: beef! aluminum can, similarto a soup can. in formatting, package appeared similar to a normal can, although all informationor characters were replaced by “beef! beef! beef!†repeated. can contained pinkish meat,which was revealed to be uncooked beef. no abnormalities detected. item description: “mint fishâ€: plain paperenvelope, dual packaging in russian and navajo. package contained unidentifiable light greenpowder. when added to cold water, powder immediately
formed into the shape of a small goldfish,same color as the powder. this wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similarto a living fish. the creature stopped moving only when removed from the water and terminatedby a guard. described as difficult to chew and ultimately unpleasant. item description: “taste meâ€: a transparentplastic box containing a single slice of white cake. no ingredients or information otherthen the title were listed. item was tasted by a class-d personnel, who, after consumingthe product, immediately went into convulsions, and shortly thereafter collapsed and died.autopsy showed that the subject had become seven inches taller and grown in mass by 13.6%,and that death and seizures were due to expansion
of the brain. analysis of the cake showedlarge amounts of human growth hormone as well as several unidentified chemicals. name: doctor king item description: single seed. tests revealedit as apple. money entered: 2 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: two seeds, also apple. money entered: 3 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: three seeds. apple again. item description: one thousand apple seeds.similar tests were undertaken for the remainder
of the day, resulting in apple seeds everytime. several complaints were issued against doctor king, complaining that he had "broken"this scp. the machine was left alone for the night and approached again in the morningby another researcher. item description: "ladypax". several smallsnack cakes wrapped in brown paper, labelled in slightly out-of-date japanese with an unusualamount of english loanwords. cake was chocolate with somewhat berry-flavored filling. consumptionby female subject resulted in immediate commencing of that subject's menstruation, despite thefact that it was not due for another week. item description: "prangles". item resemblesin almost every way a standard tube of pringles, sour cream and onion flavour. the only differencein appearance is that the mascot on the box
has red skin and takes on a vaguely demoniclook. item was given to a class d subject. once the lid of the prangles is unsealed,or "popped", the subject was literally unable to prevent herself from eating the chips continuously.moreover, the tube appears to be bottomless in nature, as the subject has been eatingfor several days at time of writing and shows no sign of slowing down. no difference betweenthe chips and normal pringles was found. this is the second subject to be tested; the firstone continued eating even after termination, and the tube had to be forcibly removed fromher grasp. name: doctor kingmoney entered: 300 yen scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: three hundred apple seeds.
the same product results whenever doctor king,or an individual who has been asked to do the test for doctor king, activates the machine.it it as yet unclear why this might be, or whether it may be evidence of sentience onthe part of the machine. item description: x-treme chips - yellow bagwith no labeling or nutrition facts save for a gigantic red "x" on the front. opened cautiouslyto find nothing more than standard potato chips. fed chips to d-class 24045-06, whosevoice immediately grew deeper and requested this agent join him in extreme sport activitiessuch as surfboarding, mountain climbing, and bungee jumping. request was denied. item description: maxwell house artificialcoffee drink - 355 ml navy blue can with the
maxwell house logo prominently displayed onupper half. lower half shows steaming cup of coffee and coffee beans. ingredients listedas water, artificial flavor, and sucrose. 10 calories. item was bitter and noted tobe inferior to instant coffee. drink is not produced by maxwell house after product research. item description: a red mushroom with bluespots, resembling no other species of fungus. when fed to d24046-19, he claimed to be "[sic]totally tripping balls", and then instructed researchers to "be quiet, my show is on".for a duration of one hour, he was no longer reactant to any kind of sensory input, alternately laughingand crying without correlation to external stimuli. when subject awoke, he stated thathe did not exactly recall what he had seen,
but noted that it appeared to be a sitcom. money entered: 100,000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: [data expunged]. item hasbeen detained and is being tested for sentience. subject detained for seven days for contaminationtesting. both tests turn up negative. subject released from detainment along with [dataexpunged]. item described as "light, but with a burst of flavor". subject expressed desiresfor more and depression when request was denied. placing more than 5000 yen in the machinerequires formal approval for an experiment test. item description: a lavishly illustrated menufor "big bub's house of subs". further investigation
revealed that the photographs of the variousmenu items were flavored like the items they represented. nutrient content was typicalfor moderate quality restaurant fare. item was dry, but not filling. item description: a blue and yellow 500 mlmetal can with a screw-on cap, labeled "dr. belcher's magical flashing bug juice". cancontains a carbonated neon green liquid which emits occasional flashes of bright indigolight. testing reveals no radioactivity or electromagnetic emissions outside the indigoband. no nutrition information printed on the can. tastes strongly of tangelos. heavydiuretic effect that lasted several days. item description: agent orange sherbet: asmall, single serving ice cream container,
printed in obscure working-class french, witha cartoon secret agent on it, complete with a trench coat, fedora, and black sunglasses,giving a thumbs up, and saying "good enough to die twice for!". given to d-2348 for testing.subject took a bite and claimed "tastes like really rich orange sorbet with a vanilla creamhint to it, like eating a creamsicle". subject later complained of minor back pain, but reportedthat he was fine the next day. item description: mr q's cumbersome soda bottle:a small, plastic bottle, clear with a minty greenish tint, with an odd stopper in theneck of the bottle. when tilted normally to drink, the cola hits the stopper and won'tflow. through an hour of testing, the stopper is discovered to only to work when the bottleis tilted at a right angle while being rotated
from the bottom of the bottle and shaken slightly.soda was described as refreshing and abnormally tasty. item description: a 12 oz beverage can of"american air." emblazoned with an american flag that circles the can, notably displaying48 stars instead of 50. a small caption on the back of the can reads as follows: "a realpatriot knows not to breathe the same air as communists. a real patriot remembers. letyour love of freedom breathe freely, with american airâ„¢." as expected, the can containssomewhat stale but otherwise normal air. item description: a size 64 trilby style fedoracomposed of beef jerky. the object was flattened inside small cardboard box, with nutritionfacts and a label reading "meathat: teriyaki
fedora," and the catchphrase "you can haveyour hat, and eat it too!" consumed without incident, taste described as tough, but enjoyable. item description: an lp music album composedentirely of hard green sugar, in an airtight green plastic wrap. packaging in albanian,with a picture of a cellist and a pianist playing a duet. playing the album resultedin an unrecognized piano/strings movement, with the lp uncoiling itself as the needlepassed. surprisingly, this did not seem to interfere with the balance of the lp or thephonograph machine in any way. a recording of the music is available on request. thelp was consumed by those attending the presentation, reportedly tasting like lime-flavored hardcandy.
item description: an olive green plastic bagof dried bay leaves. packaging in ancient greek, delphic dialect, with the phrase "pythia'schoiceâ„¢ brand bay leaves." three leaves were fed to subject d-3968. subject reportedloss of feeling in his limbs, displayed unusual vocal patterns, and seemed to be enteringa trancelike state. upon consuming two more leaves, the subject collapsed and went intoconvulsions, screaming apparent gibberish interspersed with ancient greek of the samedialect displayed on the package. subject continued to convulse for three minutes andtwenty-four seconds, then became limp and unresponsive. subject died two days afterward,with no signs of recovery. analysis of leaves has shown an extremely high concentrationof ethylene, a chemical compound known to
cause the observed effects. how the subjectspoke greek is as yet unknown. the translation of the subject's outburst is largely nonsensical,and is available on file by request. money entered: 4 mon (coin circa mid-15thcentury japan) scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: small red velvet pouch with intricate golden embroidery depicting varioushiågi fans. bound with golden string. opening the pouch revealed the contents to be littlemore than dust. analysis of dust reveals it to consist of dessicated rice, red beans,shrimp and soybeans, originating from approximately the same era as the currency used. item description: cylinder labeled "aunt annie'sfruity fibers: blue raspberry beret," packaging
text written in english, french, and hawaiian.packaging encourages customers to try other available flavors, including "grape gloves,""mint mittens," and "cherry cowl." contents were one skein of sweet-smelling blue yarn,a pair of knitting needles, and a sheet of paper containing instructions for knittinga simple hat. sampling the end of the "yarn" proved it to be edible, though described as"chewy and a little dry," with a raspberry flavor. the presiding researcher was ableto knit the hat described in the pattern, and reported that the "yarn" behaved similarlyto a wool blend. money entered: 1 counterfeit 500 yen coin(minted on site, otherwise identical to authentic article), accepted by scp-261scp-261 powered or unpowered: powered
item description: after a delay of approximately3 seconds, an unmarked, opaque white cellophane package was dispensed. package contained candiessimilar to "gummi bears," but shaped like human hands with extended middle fingers.item was interpreted as a threat and not consumed. testing revealed candy contained lethal amountsof potassium cyanide. on 10/09/2009, a sequential experiment withan unpowered scp-261 was run, attempting to discern just how quickly the machine wouldstart to dispense "bizarre" objects. all vended items were tested via d-class personnel forsafety reasons. item description: a soft drink can labeled"cokepsi zero" with a color scheme that appears to be a combination of the coke and pepsizero-calorie product labels. d-class personnel
reported it to taste like a mix of coke andpepsi, and a definite taste of aspartame. ingredients list on can appear to be a mixof coke and pepsi ingredients. no special effects noted. item description: a larger than normal can,the label declaring it to be a normal variety of canned corn that can be found in grocerystores. upon opening, can was revealed to contain hot, melted butter and two stuntedcorncobs. the can showed no signs of being warm to the touch from the outside. item wasconsumed without incident. butter cooled off normally. later reports of stomach and bowelpain from d-class personnel prompted termination and autopsy, revealing the presence of poppedcorn kernels within his gastrointestinal tract.
item description: an unlabeled object thatresembles a mark 2 "pineapple" fragmentation hand grenade. testing area evacuated as aprecaution. d-class personnel sent in to retrieve item under surveillance, expressing concern.object appeared to be safe. object was moved to a blast chamber. d-class personnel orderedto remove pin, throw and evacuate, and complies reluctantly. object explodes in the cornerof the blast chamber in a "puff of sugar" and several high velocity fragments. blastchamber coated in varying amounts of granulated sugar. metal fragments observed in walls.it was noted that upon entering a taste of sugar could be definitely observed. no harmfuleffects noted. item description: a 6-inch-long figurine ofscp-682, which upon being removed from the
vending machine became animate and startedto do an apparent barbershop routine, dancing with a suddenly materializing cane and hatupon the counter. music came from an unidentified source and resembled a standard barbershoproutine, but those present were unable to place the singers. nearby security personnelopened fire upon the figurine. bullets did not harm the object and were absorbed intoit. figurine stopped dancing and music ceased after approximately two minutes. item notconsumed, but tests revealed it to be made of caramel. further chemical analysis revealedthat the caramel was contaminated with large amounts of arsenic and ricin poison. itemalso contained intact, expended 9mm jhp rounds, having apparently "healed" the wounds butnot removed the bullets. item disposed of.
money entered: 10-yen note (minted circa 1943)scp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: chocolate 5 1/4" floppydisk, later inspection reveals it to be formatted for the japanese msx computer. performinga read/write test with aforementioned computers did not melt or affect the disk in any way,despite the fact that the internal temperature of the computer would have been enough tomelt chocolate. item tasted of unremarkable milk chocolate. money entered: 450 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: "malinalxochitl's xocolatl."a small aluminum can, with a label in what appears to be the aztec language, illustratedwith a stylized female mascot clad in traditional
meso-american dress smiling and holding upa cup emitting steam. bottom of can has self-heating filament; activating it heats the liquid.tastes faintly of chocolate, but is bitter and slightly spicy. item description: "philosopher's figs 'n honey."a small lidded ceramic box similar in style to ancient greek pottery. the greek labelindicated there was a "special philosopher prize" inside. box was separated by a ceramicdivide down the center. one half contained honey, and the other half contained severalfresh figs. honey described as "clovery". the prize inside was a miniature marble bustof plato. item description: "fairyfairy [sic] alchemycoins." a white package of cracker-like medallions,
quarter-sized, with alchemical symbols inscribedon their surfaces. label, which is in middle english, has a few cartoon fairies wavingmagic wands over the crackers. crackers containing gold and silver had their innards extracted.d-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they were similar in taste andtexture to saltines. other crackers contained vitriol, hydrochloric acid, antimony, mercury,and lead. money entered: 535 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: "mandel-brã¶tchen". whilethe name would suggest bread, the actual product inside is a set of four dry chocolate cookiesin fractal shapes. this fractal pattern is repeated down to the atomic structure of thecookies' surface. a warning on the package
states that the cookies must be dipped inwater or milk prior to eating to avoid damage to the mouth and throat. item description: "turduchoken". balls offried turkey, each containing a smaller ball of fried duck containing a chocolate candywith a fried chicken center. labeling describes the product as containing 450% the amountof saturated fat required by an adult human. item description: "piscina." a soda can packagedby the coca-cola company. english labelling and logo. nutrition facts note high in omega3 fatty acids. ingredients list fish oils prominently. d-class opened, consumed. textureof chicken soup, tastes like fresh salmon; verified by researcher. taste was unusualbut enjoyable.
item description: a cardboard box, 9cm x 9cmx 6cm, with a picture of a human molar tooth on blue background on the front. unknown pictographicscript similar to aztec. opening the box revealed a tooth, full scale, approximately 5 centimeterslong. essentially a jawbreaker; chemical analysis confirms. the 'pulp' of the tooth is a sweetfruit syrup. aside from shape, not chemically unusual. money entered: 5000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a glass perfume vial filledwith artificially flavored human sweat. chemical analysis revealed high levels of human pheromonesand nutmeg flavoring. essentially a mild aphrodisiac. no labeling.
money entered: 10000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: "drinky bird." a tin canwith no pop-top, with a paper label of an ortolan drinking from a liquor bottle. containeda fattened ortolan drowned in brandy. chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities. money entered: 800 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a beeswax hexagonal prism- like a 'cell' in a honeycomb - about 6 cm deep with edges about 3 cm - about the sizeof a single-serving yogurt cup. the hexagonal surface was stamped with a bas relief of acartoon bee with russian text translated to 'springtime syrup'. nutrition facts were onthe side. contained puffed oats, each of which
contained a small amount of fresh honey. eatenby the researcher, with a sample saved for later analysis. item description: a live, hairless, bonelessguinea pig with nutrition facts tattooed along the right side in english. contains unusuallyhigh levels of vitamins and minerals. contains unknown nutritional supplement 'heliate' withno rda. after killing the guinea pig, the researcher attempted to remove a limb forconsumption, but accidentally breached the abdominal cavity, revealing that it containeda green savory custard where its organs would be expected. item description: "stan-fizz." standard-shapedsoda can. english text, coca-cola bottling
company. green and purple color scheme onthe logo, unknown substance 'standis' listed in the ingredients list, in the form of 'artificialflavor of standis'. presumably no actual standis in the beverage. taste reminiscent of grapesoda and champagne. money entered: 490 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: red plastic container labeledhonor duel. package contained what appeared to be a pair of action figures resemblingsamurai, one black in coloration, the other red. upon opening of the package, the "samurai"stood and attacked each other. after a short battle, the black samurai decapitated thered one, gave a cry of victory, and vanished. subsequent analysis of the red samurai revealedit to be made of rock candy, with a raspberry
flavor. item description: two (2) standard triple-abatteries, emblazoned with eye-catching, untranslatable symbols. otherwise completely normal. repeated test of ten trials, with intervalof 1 minute between attempts. coins used were retrieved from a coca-cola brand vending machineoutside the [data expunged]. money entered for each vend: 65 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered items vended:tests 1-3: cans of coca-cola, with varying japanese labeling schemes. contents are chemicallyidentical to current coke formula. test 4: diet "koke". the other text on thecan is written in a pidgin language apparently
derived from chinese and japanese.test 5: a can of "coca-cola clear". label glows in the dark, and top of can has a holo-foiladvertisement for an unknown animated film. test 6: caramelized coca leaves. very strongaroma of mint. class d who ingested it showed symptoms of a mild coca overdose, but no otherresponse. test 7: container shattered upon vending.appears to have been a glass container filled with a brownish gas. bottle was fully sealed,lacking lid or cap. test 8: "lemony and butterific dragon delite!".an uncooked ear of yellow corn molded into the shape of a chinese dragon. microwavingresulted in it "breathing" a stream of molten butter into the internals of the microwave,causing a fire.
test 9: "bottled lightning". an apparently-emptyglass bottle that serves as a powerful leyden jar. the class d who opened it experienceda near-fatal electric shock upon opening. subject reported "tasting" temperatures foran hour thereafter. test 10: a can of "coa-cola". the class dused to perform the analysis expired shortly after opening the can. analysis indicatesthat the beverage contained carbon monoxide, rather than carbon dioxide. money entered: 1500 yenpowered or unpowered: unpowered item description: "snapple" - a seeminglynormal granny smith, with a small, hand-written tag attached to the stem. further examinationrevealed the center to be composed of solid
tin. money entered: 430 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: "chå«seishi bä“kon", ina plastic bag. artwork on the front depicts an anthropomorphic piece of bacon being crushedbetween two heavy rocks. bag contains approximately 50 bite-size objects which appear and smellvaguely bacon-like. upon one piece being fed to a d-class, thesubject immediately clutched his stomach and collapsed onto the floor. examination of thed-class's stomach contents revealed that his stomach had become extremely distended andfull (approximately 3.9 liters by volume) with cooked bacon.
item description: apparently a standard hershey'sbrand chocolate bar, with the packaging text written backwards, as if reflected in a mirror.the chirality of all amino acids and sugars in the chocolate bar is the opposite of thatof earth-life organic compounds. item description: "dante's". 750g packageof biscuits with nine distinct circular, concentric layers. packaging claims that contents "tastelike hell!" item description: small, empty plastic bluepackage with a stylized drop of water. on the back were instructions written in germanand dutch. the directions instructed the user to empty the package above a large bucketcontaining one liter of water and stir. when the instructions were followed, an additional0.5 liters of water appeared in the bucket.
somewhat bitter. item description: a medium-sized bag of pretzelbits shaped like gears, springs, rods, and other clockwork components. the package depictsa smiling, winking figure seemingly made out of clockwork giving a "thumbs up" sign. thefood itself was salty and difficult to chew. item description: small pill bottle with writingon it in an unknown language. package depicts a cartoon image of a young boy biting intoa squirming candy rat. bottle contained ten (10) large pellets. one (1) pellet was givento a lab rat and subsequently eaten. the lab rat then fell asleep, after which all of therat's tissues rapidly began transformation into various candy substances. roughly tenminutes later, the rat awoke and seemed to
be able to function normally despite all ofits tissues being transformed into non-functional candy tissues. d-class instructed to eat therat. reported that the organs were replaced by a jelly candy substance, the blood seemedto be syrup, and bones were made of crystallized sugar. the taste of the candy was normal andas expected, and no adverse effects were reported. remaining pellets placed in storage for latertesting. money entered: 555 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: "saint patrick snakeskinpie." product name is in english, the labels are in irish gaelic. shrink-wrapped productresembles a small mince pie. dissection of product showed that the center of the piewas filled with dried and salted snake meat
of an unknown species. d-class consumed productand reported a taste similar to very tough chicken. money entered: 555 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: a tall pink soda can withouta label. opening the can produced a sound similar to a grenade exploding, and insidewas a fizzy transparent liquid. d-class declined to drink the liquid after an amount was accidentallyspilled on a table and small round objects grew from the plastic. analysis indicatedthe objects were eggs containing fetal creatures resembling amphibians. money entered: 1025 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered
item description: machine dispensed a cheap-lookingflashlight and six colored lenses, each a different color of the rainbow. after an hour,during which a small group had gathered in an attempt to discover its purpose, dr. █████ accidentallyshone the flashlight on a nearby d-class' face while the red lens was attached. subjectreported a vague taste of cherry. the other lenses were shown to cause tastes of orange,banana, lime, blueberry, and grape. testing revealed the flashlight and lenses to be ordinaryplastic. money entered: 600 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: glass bottle with cork stopperand paper label. text on label consists mostly of characters in the armenian alphabet butdoes not correspond to any identifiable words.
bottle contains a mixture of 30% ethyl alcohol,45% eel blood (species unidentified), 25% water, with trace amounts of cedarwood resinand lead. item description: white cellophane envelope.lettering on envelope reads "aged meat product" in gujarat language, phonetically transcribedinto hebrew alphabet. envelope contains rotten, maggot-infested meat (probably avian in origin). item description: pull-tab aluminium can labeled"billy beer" and packaged in the same manner as novelty beer product produced by fallscity brewing company in the united states in the late 1970s. can labeling includes theendorsement: "i had this beer brewed just for me. i think it's the best i've ever tasted.and i've tasted a lot. i think you'll like
it too. billy carter." can contains a liquidthat appears to be beer. subject consumed some and reported symptoms of mild intoxicationfor the following 72 hours. money entered: 150 "b yen", the military currencyused in us-occupied okinawa from 1948-1958 scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: a cheeseburger with pickles and lettuce, identical to the same availablefrom the ████████ restaurant chain. money entered: 150 b yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a box 7cm on a side that,when opened, played a badly-recorded song while a ballerina statue spun around on astand within the box. both the ballerina and
item description: a caesar salad, no lettuce,on an edible soy-based plate. money entered: 5 wadåkaichin (japanese currencydated to the 8th century ce) scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: one bowl of rice, cooked, no utensil.note: contemporary to the time; the bowl was dated to the late first millennium, and chopstickswere not yet commonly used among the poorer classes. scp-261 appears to be treating thecoins at their original value. money entered: 45 wadåkaichinscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a plate of higher qualitythan the previous bowl, containing what was confirmed to be sliced monkey on a bed ofrice.
money entered: check (written in kana) for1000 yen, of same dimensions as currency scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: a 3 cm by 5 cm slip of cardboard. when on a human's person, they will reporttasting milk chocolate until they are relieved of the cardboard. money entered: a note, in english, reading"i.o.u. 500 â¥" scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: an opened container of "smartfood" brand white cheddar-flavored popcorn, manufacturedby frito-lay. contains remnants of popcorn kernels and powdered cheddar cheese-flavoredsubstance, and a note, reading "i.o.u. 41 popcorn kernels".
item description: 41 cheese-flavored popcornkernels, uncontained. identical to those produced by "smartfood" brand. money entered: 0 yen (pushed "coin return"button) scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: a single "zero yen" coin deposited into change return slot. coin ispressed out of pot metal, reverse face depicts a smiling ronald mcdonald. item description: styrofoam cup labelled "tasteebird spicy lime snack!!!" containing 2 oz of unknown powder. instructions are to "fillto line with hot water, cover and wait 3 minutes". upon opening, package contained reconstituted,de-calcified parrot skeleton in a tangy broth
with celery and cilantro and lime. describedas "zesty, with an odd texture." nutritional information indicates it contains 300% dailyrecommended sodium. scp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowereditem description: red aluminum can labelled simply "stop that" in block letters, intermittentbuzzing heard from within can as if coming from a large, angry insect. subject declinedto open container. money entered: 666 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a plastic box of "unclenick's" brand "delicious sunday profani-snack". branding prominently featured a winking cartoondevil as well as pentagrams, inverted crosses,
and other occult symbols stereotypically associatedwith satanism. all text other than the brand name and product name printed in vulgar latinin a slightly irregular typeface suggesting hand-lettering. back of box prominently featuredthe slogan "damnation guaranteed!". ingredients list included "unholy water" but was otherwiseconsistent with a meal consisting solely of bread and wine. box contained thirteen piecesof unleavened bread in the style of communion wafers and a clear plastic sachet of red winewith a drinking nozzle. subject reported wafers as delicious and surprisingly filling witha taste reminiscent of very rare steak, and wine as excellent but slightly salty. subjectwas placed under observation, but no anomalous behaviour has been reported.
money entered: 0 yen, in the form of a single"zero yen" coin as dispensed by scp-261 in an earlier testscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: bag containing full mealof burger, fries, onion rings, and large coke similar to that purchased from ████████, butwith all nutritional information and ingredients list censored. bag given to d-class test subject.subject reports that meal had absolutely no flavour, a uniformly smooth and uninterestingtexture, and did not reduce her hunger at all. money entered: 500 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered (power cord had been accidentally pulled out of wallwhile cleaning up after previous experiment)
item description: one soft drink can, similarin styling to diet cola, printed in a language later determined to be denzongkha and to read"screaming [untranslatable] - open can enjoy screaming meal". upon opening, can emitteda painful shrieking noise estimated at 125-130db for approximately fifteen seconds, duringwhich time subject managed to hold onto the can and reported it growing lighter. whenthe noise ceased, both subjects present noted that they felt oddly sated, and did not needto eat for the rest of the day. money entered: 3000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: item dispensed was a smalltan box with the text "tasty fetus!" in dark green text. on the box below this text isa picture of a smiling light orange colored
fetus. there is more dark green text belowthe picture that reads, “now with shorter gestational period!†the back of the boxfeatures a three panel comic with three human characters (two females and one male) in adomestic living room setting. in the first panel the female character on the right endof the panel has a speech bubble over her head, reading, “mom and dad, i have somethingto tell you…i’m pregnant.†the second panel shows the shocked faces of the parentcharacters in the middle of the panel, with a speech bubble over ‘dad’ reading, “ican’t believe this! young lady you are in so much trouble-†the daughter characterinterrupts him and says, “no dad, it’s just the new tasty fetus!™†the finalpanel begins with the text “four weeks laterâ€
and depicts the three characters laughingand making ‘mmm’ noises while consuming an orange fetus-shaped gummy. the fetus isstill attached to what appears to be an umbilical cord. money entered: 500 yenscp-261 power status: unpowered item description: at first, no object wasseen delivered from scp-261; an investigation of the delivery tray did discover a tiny packageroughly 1cm square. object was moved to a lab where microscopic analysis revealed thepackaging to be standard cellophane with the word "nanosnax" on the front in english. theremainder of the writing on the packaging consisted of a series of numbers and letterscorresponding to hexadecimal, though with
no known relation to any language. insidethe packaging was a small circular wafer; analysis revealed the wafer to be pure silicon.wafer and packaging have been retained for further research.note: several of the hexadecimal numbers on the package have been positively identifiedas op-codes for the mos technology 6502 microprocessor; the remaining hexadecimal numbers have yetto be identified and do not correspond to any op-codes of any known microprocessor. item description: "jelly joybeans - assortedemotions." packaging is a semi-transparent plastic in english. contents are an assortmentof colored jelly beans. when consumed, subject is overcome with a specific emotional statefor 3 - 5 seconds. initial testing revealed
a correlation between bean color and the emotionexperienced; red is joy, blue is sadness, pink is sexual arousal, yellow is fear, greenis anger, and purple is jealousy. analysis revealed several chemicals known to interferewith human neurotransmitters as well as an accellerant. money entered: 1500 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: “colonel frosty’s mysticalice bomb!†made by kraft. contained in a light blue box roughly 5 cm x 5 cm x 5 cm.according to the label it was pomegranate-grapefruit flavored. inside the box was a sphere thesize of a marble with a small button on the side. the object exuded a reddish-orange gassimilar to that of liquid nitrogen, however
it felt room temperature to the touch. whensubject pressed the button on the side the sphere lighted up brightly before explodingin a cloud of smoke that filled the room. after the smoke cleared it was apparent thatevery surface in the entire room, all staff present, were coated in a reddish-orange frost.the frost was entirely edible and tasted of sugar and citric acid. all conventional meansof cleanup failed — the only successful method of removing the frost was through licking.it took a total ██ staff members licking the break room and all staff present duringthe explosion for an hour before it was clean. money entered: 198 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a cellophane packet whoselabel read "powdered milk with extra spiders
- just add water and stir!"; when the contentsof the packet were added to a glass of water and stirred, the result was a glass of skimmilk containing 85 small live spiders. money entered: 2000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: large unlabeled clear plasticcanister containing assorted hard candy shaped like various multi-sided dice akin to thoseused in tabletop gaming. each numbered side produced a different flavor when tasted, witheach denomination of dice producing a different set of flavors. taste tests performed on ad-6 and a d-20 sample found that the former produced common fruit flavors while the lattercontained a wide variety of flavors, many of which were not commonly used in hard candy.
item description: uncle shifty's instant boozetablets- a small, plastic tube containing five (5) white tablets resembling aspirintablets. label on tube depicts a poorly groomed older man holding a flask in his right handand giving a 'thumbs up' with his left. discovered that when a tablet is placed in water, itbegins to dissolve rapidly until the water is transmuted into its volumetric equivalentin 5% alcohol content beer. remaining tablets sent to lab for further analysis. item description: a 12-oz aluminum soda canlabeled "yukio tanaka's exquisite ginger drinking vinegar" in english. additional packagingin basque. packaging and nutritional information declared the can to be a ginger-flavouredvinegar beverage. testing of the can's contents
revealed the liquid to be 12m hydrofluoricacid. money entered: 314 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: two geppei mooncakes withpeanut filling, one round and one square, in a transparent package. further examinationrevealed that bottoms of both mooncakes have equal areas. name: researcher ████████, underdirection of dr. ████████ date: 2012-██-██ money entered: 1000 1-yen coinsscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: 5ml round-bottom flask withshort neck, capped with rubber stopper, partially
filled with grains of a white crystallinesolid. item included a round pair of translucent-purple, plastic forceps wrapped around the sphericalbody of the flask, kept in place by a plastic wrapper. packaging labeled in japanese, translatedas “ball of boredomâ€, with english instructions that read as follows, “this is a packagefor best results using forceps. one, alone can enjoy the best†[sic]. d-20883 instructedto open the container and count the contents using tools included. d-20883 verbally expressedtheir incredulity at the tedium of the task but complied, counting one thousand (1000)grains of the solid. d-20883 subsequently instructed to consume one grain at a timeand describe the flavor. each of the 1000 grains was invariably described by d-20883as “salty†or some variation thereof,
despite requests for more detailed descriptions.when provided with water following the experiment, d-20883 voiced complaints that it tasted “saltyâ€.subject claimed that their symptoms persisted for all food or drink, regardless of composition,until their termination. all experiment materials were tested for anomalous compounds but onlytraces of ordinary table salt were found. comment: well, that was boring. - researcher a███████ item description: one (1) bag of "doritosatomic". bag given to a d-class after testing failed to show any form of radiation. uponconsumption, the d-class displayed began displaying a reaction between eating a highly spicy foodand being burnt alive. reaction lasted for
a minute until the subject passed out of dehydrationand extreme pain. later interview revealed that the d-class was under the sensation thathe "was being dunked in burning gasoline" remaining chips were revealed to contain juicefrom the naga bhut jolokia (ghost pepper), as well as several unknown compounds presumedto be responsible for the d-class feeling the external burning sensation. comment: i'm requesting one of these chipsto see how bodily submersion in water affects the secondary sensation of the chips. -dr.slav money entered: 307 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: one (1) vacuum-sealed "bargainbag" containing twelve (12) rolls of "papaya
shaving lozenges", with each roll containing12 lozenges. rolls are labeled "not for individual resale" and "health warning: do not consumemore than one papaya shaving lozenge in a 6-hour period; pregnant or nursing women shouldnot consume papaya shaving lozenges" in english, hungarian, and malagasy. upon consumptionof a lozenge, d-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair; hair subsequentlyregrew at normal rate. upon consumption of two lozenges at once, d-class personnel immediatelylost all facial and body hair, and began experiencing nosebleeds and loss of hearing. nosebleedsceased after two hours; hearing had 50% returned by time of termination. scalp hair was unaffected. money entered: 1999 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered
item description: one (1) rectangular canof "instant party" depicting the face of american singer prince above the words "let's get thisparty started!". can was opened with a key glued to the side of the can. upon opening,the song "1999" was heard from the can, along with a series of lights consistent with thatof a nightclub. d-class personnel reported a strong urge to dance. effect persisted for3 hours, after which time the can became inert. money entered: 1200 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: one (1) bottle of "mr. mercer'samazing condiment". bottle found to contain 2 oz of orange paste. when applied to anyobject, the condiment made the object incredibly palatable. this was seen to work on all objectsit was tested on, including wood, stone, sand,
and rotten meat. however, it does not changethe composition of the object it is applied to. bottle sent to lab for testing. money entered: 1 keichå era koban (the goldcurrency during the tokugawa period.) scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: 1642.5 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from scp-261'sslot. cleanup required 3 researchers and thirty-three (33) 20 pound rice bags. rice grains reportedlylooked "like someone had picked them out of the mud". d-class personnel reported no unusualeffects upon consumption. money entered: 1 man'en era kobanscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: 280 cups of uncooked rice,in the form of grains ejected from scp-261's
slot. cleanup required 1 researcher and six(6) 20 pound rice bags. rice reported to still look "dingey". d-class personnel reportedno unusual effects upon consumption. money entered: 1 håei era kobanscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: one (1) packet of "手招ã肉"(beckoning meat) containing six slabs of cooked meat from the felis catus. specifically, thejapanese bobtail. an illustration in the upper left corner depicts a beckoning cat beingspit-roasted. d-class was initially reluctant to consume object, but was persuaded after4 minutes by researchers. upon consumption, d-class personnel reportedly felt "lucky".no other effects noted. money entered: 7000 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered
item description: the hoof of a cow, wrappedin loose cellophane, entered the receptacle, but could not be removed due to size. theitem seemed to be attached to a full animal inside scp-261, and struggling sounds wereheard from scp-261. upon attempts to open scp-261, the sound of tearing flesh couldbe heard, the hoof severed and fell out of the receptacle, and the machine was foundto be empty. analysis reports that the hoof belonged to a regular bos primigenius. notablycontained cream filling in place of bone marrow. item description: one medium-sized cellophanebag with no markings. bag contained approximately sixty thin strips of lightly seasoned jerky.d-class personnel likened the taste to typical teriyaki-flavored jerky, but reported a stingingsensation in right cheek after swallowing.
subject collapsed after approximately 140seconds and died immediately afterward. further examination revealed the jerky to be madeof jellyfish, specifically the box jellyfish species. item description: one small box of "nips".box labeling and description almost identical to the nestle brand of caramel candies underthe same name. notable differences include candy. heads on the dispensers were modeledafter those of former american president bill clinton, former white house intern monicalewinsky, former independent prosecutor ken starr, and former lewinsky confidante lindatripp. candies and dispensers not found to be anomalous.
item description: "dr. college's easyram":a small plastic cup with image of a stereotypical "mad scientist" on the top. packaging in americanenglish. instructions to add water and heat in microwave for 60 seconds. result is ramennoodles in what appears to be a low-quality cheese sauce. analysis revealed nutritionalcontent to be identical to exactly one third of daily requirements for an average postpubescentmale, with large amounts of omega-3 fatty acids. item description: "edimas": an edible miniatureclyster syringe with image of a smiling asian child. instructions in american english describinghow to administer an enema with said product. upon testing, was found to not only functionas an enema, but also administers a nutrient
supplement to the colonal walls. sent to labfor testing. money entered: precisely half of a 100 yencoin scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: the top half of a standard 354ml (12oz) coca-cola can. can confirmedto be empty. upon being opened, approximately 177ml (6oz) of liquid, later confirmed tobe coca-cola, fell from the bottom of the can and landed directly on the foot of thed-class personnel conducting the test. item description: "altroids" - container whichappeared to be a typical "altoids" container, approximately 9.5 cm in length, 6 cm in width,and 2 cm in height. d-class consumed one "mint" from container, resulting in muscle growthwhich increased muscle mass 1.5 times. subject
terminated in prevention of more muscle growth."mints" confirmed to contain steroids, as well as an unidentified chemical, though theingredient list was identical to that of a normal altoids container. money entered: one 500 yen coin with a holeddrilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of string (cotton). after the coinwas inserted, string was pulled in an effort to pull the coin out. the string broke orbecame untied at the knot and the coin was accepted as usual.scp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: juicy juice: mountain berry- a single(1) juicebox of the popular children's brand fruit juice. luke warm. labels and ingredientswere in english and tests indicated the juice
and box were unanomalous, but expired by threeweeks and 4 days. upon consumption, subject indicated that the juice "tasted funny." length of monofilament fishing line (nylon,polyvinylidene fluoride (pvdf), polyethylene, dacron and dyneema (uhmwpe)). after the coinwas inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.scp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: "chip ahoy" brand cookiesin a standard blue wrapper with four (4) standard sized chocolate chip cookies. text on thepackage written in outdated sanskrit. cookies appeared ordinary. edible. subject voiceda dislike over this particular brand of cookie, but otherwise stated they were fine. momentsafter completing the last cookie, subject
immediately vomited a chunky brown paste.tests shown the exact volume and ingredients to be equal to that of the 4 cookies, thoughit could not be determined what made the subject sick. item description: "shmoothie!: chocolate watermelon".32oz. clear plastic squeeze bottle, label and ingredients in english, except with punctuationat the start of the sentence. possible marketing gimmick. label included a stenciled pictureof a watermelon with chocolate syrup on it. thick light-brown liquid inside appeared similarin texture to a melted chocolate milkshake. testings proved edible. subject stated flavourwas like a "jolly rancher" brand hardcandy dissolved in milk, and gagged after each sip.upon completion of the bottle, subject was
asked to describe his condition. subject satquiet in a ponderous state for 8 seconds before violently vomiting a frothy fluid onto thetesting area. clean up was able to collect 31.53oz of the fluid, as .47oz had absorbedin the subjects clothes (confiscated). money entered: one 500 yen coin with a holeddrilled into the edge and tied to one (1) meter length of monofilament fishing line(nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (pvdf), polyethylene, item description: "nong shim udon premiumnoodle soup" dried noodles in a plastic bowl. edible. no utensils included. package seemsordinary. text is written in both english and japanese. while boiling water in pouredonto the noodles, as per the directions, subject comments that he enjoys this brand of noodles.when questioned on his condition after 5 bites,
subjects states "probably not the best i'vehas ever had but for a packaged udon, it’s pretty damn good." when finished, the subjectimmediately vomited partially digested noodles and broth onto the testing area. again, testsrevealed nothing that should cause such a reaction. money entered: 42 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: dr. ████████████ pressedall the buttons at the same time. scp-261 proceeded to make loud noises and shake violentlyfor 5 seconds before dispensing a piece of paper 9x6 cm. on one side it had the words"meal voucher" while on the reverse side it says "we apologize for the inconvenience."
money entered: 777 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: scp-261 made noises likea slot machine before dispensing exactly 777 chocolate coins. money entered: 13 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a small box of cereal labeled"unlucky charms" with no marshmallows. d-class reported them to taste very stale. it wasdiscovered that it expired several years ago. money entered: 17 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: a standard nintendo "gameboy" portable gaming system with the game "tetris" already inserted. staff reporteda "extremely strong taste of blue raspberry
in their mouths" while playing. money entered: 755 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: a bright yellow glass bottlewith a black label. "thunder bar" was written in a variation of czech on it, and under itread "warning, not for consumption by individuals under the age of 48" in thick black letters.inside was a red, somewhat viscous liquid. when opened by a class d personnel, who was52, the bottle emitted a massive thunder clap measuring 140 db, scaring and almost deafeningher. when the liquid inside was drunk, the subject noted a raspberry taste before fallingto the ground unconscious. later tests confirm that the subject lost consciousness due toa massive amount of alcohol spontaneously
entering her system. it is unknown how thealcohol entered her system, as the bottle resealed itself after subject lost consciousness.another test was conducted with a subject who was 34 years old. upon opening the bottle,the subject was vaporized when the thunder clap was emitted. no further tests were administered. money entered: 100 yen, and an additional100 yen after punching in the numbers '100' into the machine.scp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: the machine made no noisefor about 5 seconds, and then spat 200 yen out of the coin return. a sticky note alsocame out of the machine, attached to a small yet smooth rock weighing about 1.5 kg. thesticky note read "make up your mind!", with
an angry face drawn directly below this, allwritten with what seems to be permanent black marker. money entered: one 500 yen coin with a holedrilled into it, with thick yarn tied through the hole; small amount of duct tape addedover hole to ensure coin would not be lost. after inserting, string was pulled and coinwas successfully retrieved. scp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowereditem description: the machine hesitated for for roughly 5 seconds, then dropped a livegrenade. the grenade detonated approximately 2 seconds after hitting the ground. ██ killed,about ██ injured, an additional 4 receiving minor injuries. the grenade left a craterabout two meters wide in diameter and about
18 cm deep. interestingly, the machine itselfwas completely untouched. repairs to lobby took █ days to complete. name: researcher ██████████ money entered: 600 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: candy commandos- a smalltwo-compartment plastic bag, weighting 400 grams. packaging in english, italian and french.once opened, revealed to contain green and yellow toy soldiers, similar to plastic armymen. once the differently colored soldiers came in contact with each other, both sidesbegan mock firing their weapons for approximately 2 minutes. after that, miniatures stoppedmoving. reported taste was of peppermint.
item description: one (1) 30 gram tube containingseveral small, white pellets. packaging in unknown language. packaging contained a smallimage of a pellet being placed in a cup of water. once such was done, the water quicklythickened, becoming a pudding of sorts. edible, but taste said to be "horrible, like it wasrotten." item description: "crmels [sic]" resealabletin containing caramel candies. chemical analysis revealed several unknown components. the subjectassigned to consume the caramels began spluttering and fainted after ██ minutes. one hourlater, subject woke up lacking a tongue and teeth. testing halted for the day. note: i am beginning to wonder how repeatedusages increase the anomalous content. perhaps
we're "tiring it out", so to say? -junior researcher ██████ money entered: 110 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: powered item description: a single plain doughnuton a paper-plate. doughnut was of average size and average weight. was reported as deliciousupon consumption. testing concluded for the day.note: i find it odd that the minute junior researcher ██████ suggests weare tiring it out, scp-261 starts dishing out "normal" items again. i can't be the onlyone to notice this. - dr. ████████
money entered: 1 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: 1 paper thin mint, describedas low quality. money entered: 10 yenscp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowered item description: a mint precisely 10 timesthicker than previous test, described as tasting like a citrus but d-15832 could not recogniseit. item description: 500ml bottle of pocari sweat.japanese packaging. item description: chocolate twinkies. appearsimilar to regular golden cake twinkies, but made with chocolate cake instead. not consumedand available for inspection at junior researcher fullsail's desk.
item description: butterfinger bb's, mysteryflavor. english packaging. product resembles butterfinger bb's, discontinued in 2006. theproduct consists of small balls of crisp, flaky peanut butter flavored confectionerycoated in differently colored and flavored chocolate-based shells. milk, dark, white,strawberry, orange, mint, and wasabi flavored coatings were noted. item description: lanugogogo! brand candyhair, raspberry flavor. the package, depicted in english, showed happy children growingfull handlebar mustaches of bright neon colors. inside the package were five individuallywrapped tablets. subject opened one wrapper and consumed the tablet, noting that it hada chalky, fibrous taste and texture, similar
to dry oat bran. five minutes and 14 secondsafter consumption, subject started growing magenta fibers of a sugary consistency fromher upper lip, at a rate of approximately 1 cm every 2 seconds. mustache stopped growingafter 73 seconds. the mustache could be easily and harmlessly broken off the subject, andconsumed. the mustache fibers melted into sugar in the subject's mouth and tasted stronglysweet and of artificial raspberry. subject noted a feeling of "being a kid again" afterconsuming her mustache. item description: shakespeare's scrumptioussonnets, blackthorn flavour. an envelope containing four sheets of vellum, each (supposedly) withone of shakespeare's sonnets handwritten on them in a prunus spinosa-based ink. the sonnetswritten were #34, #77, #121 (although noted
as #145) and an unrecognized sonnet notedto be sonnet #219. note that shakespeare was known only to have written 154 sonnets. whena sonnet is read aloud, all individuals within earshot reported sensing a tart flavor similarto damson plum. upon a second reading, listening to the same sonnet had no anomalous effect.all sonnets appear to only deliver the flavor sensation once. the vellum, when consumed,is dry and flavorless. item description: colonel crone's confessioncandytm assorted flavours, labeling in uk english, orange box 5cm x 6cm x 6cm, containing16 hard candies. each candy is wrapped in a label describing the candy's flavor. flavorsinclude mint, lemon, grape, green apple, blue raspberry, banana, tutti frutti,
multicolored tissue paper. upon consumptionof candy, subject will involuntarily divulge secrets about themselves any time communicationof any form is attempted. longer exposure to candy will result in subject revealingdeeper secrets. test determines no differences from typical hard candy of similar flavoring.note: well, guess everyone knows now, no point was because of scp-261." i'm rambling again,aren't i? y'know, i've had probl.. [redacted in hiding who i am. but hey that's that'sa nice story. "how'd you come out?" "oh it for brevity]-junior researcher andrew gatling money entered: 666 yen (500 yen, 100 yen,50 yen, 10 yen, 5 yen, 1 yen) scp-261 powered or unpowered: powereditem description: 2 oz bottle labeled "soylent
yellow energy drink" in russian. contentssimilar to common energy drinks with the exception the water was replaced by a high vitamin liquid.taste described as "revolting." subject noted to be at fully awake for 48 hours withoutobvious signs of fatigue. scp-261 powered or unpowered: unpowereditem description: 2 oz bottle labeled "crystal soylent energy drink" in russian. contentssimilar to common energy drinks with the exception the water was replaced by an unknown solutionwith the approximate viscosity of cooking oil. taste described as "refreshing." subjectnoted to be at fully awake for 1 hour 28 minutes before screaming and expiring. internal organsappear to have broken down and liquefied. bones transformed into some type of crystaltranslucent substance (analysis pending).
item description: a predominately red plastic3.5 oz bag labeled "birthday monkey's ring-ding rainbow drops!", printed in english, witha caricature of what appears to be scp-983 depicted to the right. "eight exciting flavors!make sure to try our 'mystery white' flavor last!" is printed on the bag's opposite sidein modern french, english, and german. packaging revealed to contain a total of eight (8) individually-coloredconfections. subject instructed to eat all flavors, save for "dark liquorice"—a purelyblack gumdrop, described by dr. i████ (who had been involved in testing for scp-983)as "extremely dangerous". subject proceeded as instructed, noting that, despite dislikinggumdrops, these in particular were "decent, for what they [were]". on-site researchersnoted that subject's hair had developed grey
streaks upon consuming all but "mystery white"and "dark liquorice" flavors. this effect was erased after consumption of "mystery white"flavor, described by the subject as "definitely the best one". "dark liquorice" variant containedand stored with sample originated from scp-983 itself. item description: a 2 oz cardboard box of"loony lionel's wound-lickers", printed in stylized english lettering. printed left ofthe label is a cartoon lion licking a blue variant of the candy inside, applied to itsleft paw. "just stick 'em on and lick 'em off, lion-style!" is also printed underneaththe labelling. box contains twenty four (24) circular, multicolored candy bandages. subjectapplied one bandage to a small cut on her
hand, despite expressing how "stupid" shefelt doing so. upon licking the orange bandage off, subject's wound appeared to be completelyhealed. remainder of samples collected for further testing.
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